Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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