Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
