Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
did i just pee glitter
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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