the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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