My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
