You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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