it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
