I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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