Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
