The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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