Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.