When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend