can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"