I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
