woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.