hotel room ftw
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want a musical about memes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
