I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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