i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
