he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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