You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You are the jesus of drinking
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
