I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
