I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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