You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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