Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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