i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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