is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
