dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
