I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
