Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
