Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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