Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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