I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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