apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
