I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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