remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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