he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
