i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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