i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
