So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
