Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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