My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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