Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
