Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
