Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
COCAINE IS GR8
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
