we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
