You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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