Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
