Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
