Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
