Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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