I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
