I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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