you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
