if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
