You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
