u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
