dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
