I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
