And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize