its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your cock deserves a montage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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