I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
