I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize